So here we are several weeks later and Josh is doing great, even smiling and giggling.
Sometimes I think God throws a spoke in my tire just to see if I'll wipe out or recover before I hit the tree of life.
So this morning around 4:00 am Laurie quite panicked woke me from my almost comatose sleep. I'd been traveling quite a bit and going to bed early. She was quite nervous because our new baby Josh who's seizures were now under control was having a seizure.
This lasted over 5 minutes, we were told that over 5 minutes we should get him to the hospital fast so without hesitation I called 911. Laurie who had never called 911 was very panicked and kept saying in the background "tell them to hurry" "why are they asking so many questions?" not realizing that an ambulance was already on it's way. Within 5 minutes a fire truck and ambulance with over 6 people were in my driveway and soon all these people in my house.
Josh was breathing very hard and yelping like the first time but this time he seemed calmer some how. He had a fixed stare at nothing in particular but a pale scared face which broke my heart. Just that night he was smiling at me and now he had such far away look. So here we are again the two people this child looks to for support feeling totally useless and unable to help our baby, trusting that our health care system will make him better again.
We wrapped Josh in a blanket very quickly and Laurie and all of these people left for the hospital leaving me with such a feeling of helplessness and fear.
Seems that every time I need God I make sure my friend Lorri knows so that she can say a special prayer. She's a friend who I've never met and who I talk to like a pen pal. We share ideas and thoughts quite a bit. I think God linked us together so that I could talk honestly to a woman as a friend without feeling weird about it. My guy friends wouldn't understand my faith in God or how much I appreciate my wife and kids. Most just remember the old me that partied with them. That Emile is gone and some of those friends have gone away too. It's nice to share thoughts and feelings with someone who doesn't judge me.
Next I cancelled all of my appointments and found a sitter for Emile Jr. and headed for the ER. This time I didn't call the church or Pastors, not sure why.
After finding them I kissed Laurie and checked how she was, surprisingly she was OK. Josh opened his eyes when he heard my voice. As our eyes met he looked at me and smiled. I think he was trying to tell me it was going to be OK.
As usual I called the parents and emailed everybody in my family list to let them know, knowing that I was committing myself to replying to emails all day long. The first doctor we met at 9:00 am said that most likely the reason he had a seizure was because he gained quite a bit of weight for his age group and that the medication would need to be increased. They also found that he had a small case of pneumonia caused by a lung infection caused by a build up of mucus gone unnoticed by the doctors, definitely not a lack of visiting physicians because God knows Laurie has been extremely busy with appointments.
So our day has been pretty much a day of tests, probing, poking and stress. Everyone emailed but I haven't emailed back, family has called but I just don't have the energy to call all these people back. My main concern today was giving the children and Laurie a sense of protection even though hearing Laurie say to me tonight that Josh hasn't been sleeping well because he's afraid and confused made me want to just cry, die and scream all at once. How can we allow our small baby to be afraid? I promised him 10 weeks ago that this wouldn't happen again, did I lie?
Did God break our deal? Did I?
With all of the information I've processed today, the only thing that stuck was that my baby was afraid and it's affecting me in a profound way, maybe I'm just tired....maybe I'm afraid.
It's so hard to be the rock and the man who gives information. Last time I had Ann but this time she's not here for me. My parents make it worst, family although they mean well sometimes don't help. Ann gives me logic as well as a balance of knowledge and compassion that got me through last time. She may be a Mother in law but I consider her a friend too.
Although it looks bad today, I have faith that all will be good tommorow and that God will honour our deal, even though he doesn't have to. Prayer and faith more than the doctors will help Josh. I'll get the courage to call, email and meet everyone at the hospital one by one and repeat until the last person goes home, stops emailing and calling.
It's my job, I'm a dad and i wouldnt give it up for anything.
Emile
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Precious Gift
So we decided that we wanted to have another baby. I was turning 41, Laurie was turning 35 and life was good.
Emile Jr. had bean an easy delivery as far as deliveries go and lifewith such a great kid would only be better with a little brother. Eric and Annie are Emile's brother and sister but from another Mother and although they argue a lot they also get along very well and most of all they love their 2 year old brother Emile.
This was also the year that we were to be married so we saved and planned and had a small but beautiful wedding of about 60 and planned an exciting honeymoon on a cruise to the Bahamas.
Laurie has not travelled a lot so we decided to stay over night in New York and visit the city like good tourists would do. it was cool because it was an American Holiday and they closed down streets and had huge style flea market. So anyways we had a great time onboard the ship and really enjoyed Florida and the Bahamas for a full 7 days, so now our married life begins.
After we got home Laurie who was feeling a bit dizzy and disoriented on the cruise decided to see her doctor who told her she had "Vertigo". This had her laid up for a few weeks but eventually she felt better and went back to work. Next came her tests for Spina bifita that showed a risk factor that alarmed us. We decided what ever happened we were taking the son that God blessed us with. The second tests were ok and there was no danger of Spina Bifida, life was good again.
My Mom who does this trick with a thread and needle said we were having a girl so we went with it for a while until the first Ultrasound which showed without a doubt that he was a boy.
Laurie and I are both planners and had a name picked out for a girl "Grace" and a name picked out for a boy "Joshua" which our friends and family loved. Everytime I would call into my favourite radio show Lorri would remind everyone what his name was to be and how nice "Joshua Emile LeBlanc" was for a name. Laurie and I picked it because it was a biblical name and also a cool name for 2007.
The big day kept coming closer and closer and signs that we would go early kept me from traveling and the excitement of seeing this boy was driving me crazy. The doctor decided that she would enduce Laurie on the due date which was January 20th. It was an exciting day for us and wasn't a busy day for delivering babies. Laurie was very quick to say she wanted the Epudural, she doesn't like pain much and I didn't want her to go through unecessary pain. The doctor who was to give her the drug was in surgery so we had to wait since not just anyone can administer the drug. An hour later and several contractions later she arrived. We had been warned that she didn't believe in drugs in labour but had never had a child.
She worked her magic but it was too late, the contractions were closer and closer and the drugs just couldn't catch up so we quickly realised that she was going to have pain. The nurse said that when she started to push she wouldn't feel anything and she was right, Joshua was born soon after and weighed a whopping 9'12 ounces but so beautiful. I had the priveledge of cutting his cord as I've done 3 other times for my previous kids.
After a 2 day stay it was time to take our beautiful boy home. Emile was fine with his Grandmother but was excited to see us. Life was good, 3 boys 1 girl we had the perfect family and were thrilled. On the second night Josh seemed to be constipated and became very stiff and we saw lost eyes and he bagan to yelp, this lasted about 4 minutes. Because I get up around 6:30 am for work and Laurie is breast feeding she gets up with him. The episode he had had happened 2 other times during the night and once in the morning. Not knowing of the episodes I left for work oustide Saint John which made me about 3 hours from home. Around 10 am my sister called to tell me that Laurie brought Josh to the hospital and that I should come home. I remember calling my Mom at least 4 times asking if she had heard back from Laurie since her phone was turned off.
A few hours later Laurie called me back and said that Josh had had seizures, my heart dropped. How could this have happened without us knowing. I cried all the way home thinking of what I witnessed and kept thinking how my son had inherited my Epilepsy, what a gift, what a father I was to give such a tiny, helpless life my terrible disease. I talked to God and made promises that if he healed my son I would do anything in return.
When I got to the hospital Laurie was with Josh and he was wired to electrodes, my heart dropped again but this time I couldn't cry, I had to be strong for us both, that's what Men do right?
The Doctor advised us that while trying tto understand what was causing the seizures they found a syst on his little brain, I felt my legs get weak even though I was sitting down. How could this be, why him, he's helpless, innocent! The first thing I did was email Lorri Allen and asked her to put us on the prayer wall, we now had all of our friends in North America praying. The next call we made was to our Church. The pastor was there within the hour praying with us.
Later that day they started the medication to control the seizures. Because his body needed so much he had seizures even with the medication which made us both very nervous but it was better than the 2 episodes we witnessd where they had to give him oxygen because his breathing had stopped for 20 seconds, then 45 seconds. The doctor told us that this was normal while having a seizure, this didn't make us feel any better.
Around 2:00 am the medication was working great and he hadn't had anymore seizures but he needed to be monitered for the weekend. A few days later it was time to go home again.
The doctor found nothing in the tests and didn't feel like the syst was a danger to so she let him go home.
Although he will be monitered and tested regularly we feel that God has given us our baby back and we have so much to be thankful for.
In the last few weeks he's been anointed and dedicated to God.
He's doing much better. I do sometimes see a lost look in his eyes but I know how strong this medication can be and dissmiss it as God's reminder of what he's gone through to get here.
Emile A LeBlanc
Emile Jr. had bean an easy delivery as far as deliveries go and lifewith such a great kid would only be better with a little brother. Eric and Annie are Emile's brother and sister but from another Mother and although they argue a lot they also get along very well and most of all they love their 2 year old brother Emile.
This was also the year that we were to be married so we saved and planned and had a small but beautiful wedding of about 60 and planned an exciting honeymoon on a cruise to the Bahamas.
Laurie has not travelled a lot so we decided to stay over night in New York and visit the city like good tourists would do. it was cool because it was an American Holiday and they closed down streets and had huge style flea market. So anyways we had a great time onboard the ship and really enjoyed Florida and the Bahamas for a full 7 days, so now our married life begins.
After we got home Laurie who was feeling a bit dizzy and disoriented on the cruise decided to see her doctor who told her she had "Vertigo". This had her laid up for a few weeks but eventually she felt better and went back to work. Next came her tests for Spina bifita that showed a risk factor that alarmed us. We decided what ever happened we were taking the son that God blessed us with. The second tests were ok and there was no danger of Spina Bifida, life was good again.
My Mom who does this trick with a thread and needle said we were having a girl so we went with it for a while until the first Ultrasound which showed without a doubt that he was a boy.
Laurie and I are both planners and had a name picked out for a girl "Grace" and a name picked out for a boy "Joshua" which our friends and family loved. Everytime I would call into my favourite radio show Lorri would remind everyone what his name was to be and how nice "Joshua Emile LeBlanc" was for a name. Laurie and I picked it because it was a biblical name and also a cool name for 2007.
The big day kept coming closer and closer and signs that we would go early kept me from traveling and the excitement of seeing this boy was driving me crazy. The doctor decided that she would enduce Laurie on the due date which was January 20th. It was an exciting day for us and wasn't a busy day for delivering babies. Laurie was very quick to say she wanted the Epudural, she doesn't like pain much and I didn't want her to go through unecessary pain. The doctor who was to give her the drug was in surgery so we had to wait since not just anyone can administer the drug. An hour later and several contractions later she arrived. We had been warned that she didn't believe in drugs in labour but had never had a child.
She worked her magic but it was too late, the contractions were closer and closer and the drugs just couldn't catch up so we quickly realised that she was going to have pain. The nurse said that when she started to push she wouldn't feel anything and she was right, Joshua was born soon after and weighed a whopping 9'12 ounces but so beautiful. I had the priveledge of cutting his cord as I've done 3 other times for my previous kids.
After a 2 day stay it was time to take our beautiful boy home. Emile was fine with his Grandmother but was excited to see us. Life was good, 3 boys 1 girl we had the perfect family and were thrilled. On the second night Josh seemed to be constipated and became very stiff and we saw lost eyes and he bagan to yelp, this lasted about 4 minutes. Because I get up around 6:30 am for work and Laurie is breast feeding she gets up with him. The episode he had had happened 2 other times during the night and once in the morning. Not knowing of the episodes I left for work oustide Saint John which made me about 3 hours from home. Around 10 am my sister called to tell me that Laurie brought Josh to the hospital and that I should come home. I remember calling my Mom at least 4 times asking if she had heard back from Laurie since her phone was turned off.
A few hours later Laurie called me back and said that Josh had had seizures, my heart dropped. How could this have happened without us knowing. I cried all the way home thinking of what I witnessed and kept thinking how my son had inherited my Epilepsy, what a gift, what a father I was to give such a tiny, helpless life my terrible disease. I talked to God and made promises that if he healed my son I would do anything in return.
When I got to the hospital Laurie was with Josh and he was wired to electrodes, my heart dropped again but this time I couldn't cry, I had to be strong for us both, that's what Men do right?
The Doctor advised us that while trying tto understand what was causing the seizures they found a syst on his little brain, I felt my legs get weak even though I was sitting down. How could this be, why him, he's helpless, innocent! The first thing I did was email Lorri Allen and asked her to put us on the prayer wall, we now had all of our friends in North America praying. The next call we made was to our Church. The pastor was there within the hour praying with us.
Later that day they started the medication to control the seizures. Because his body needed so much he had seizures even with the medication which made us both very nervous but it was better than the 2 episodes we witnessd where they had to give him oxygen because his breathing had stopped for 20 seconds, then 45 seconds. The doctor told us that this was normal while having a seizure, this didn't make us feel any better.
Around 2:00 am the medication was working great and he hadn't had anymore seizures but he needed to be monitered for the weekend. A few days later it was time to go home again.
The doctor found nothing in the tests and didn't feel like the syst was a danger to so she let him go home.
Although he will be monitered and tested regularly we feel that God has given us our baby back and we have so much to be thankful for.
In the last few weeks he's been anointed and dedicated to God.
He's doing much better. I do sometimes see a lost look in his eyes but I know how strong this medication can be and dissmiss it as God's reminder of what he's gone through to get here.
Emile A LeBlanc
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